Poppycockish Orts of a Turophile

(NOTE: I tire of a 24/7 diet of five (or less) letter english words...I offer this as a humble explanation/apology for this post. It actually does make sense, they're not nonsense words. FYI this post contains all of the funniest words in the English Language. He who ears to hear, let him hear)

On the way to work there were zaftig womyn in the gazebos and on the wharfs, lollygagging and jabbering - waving pickels around their perambulators. It's like our podunk is out to take over the world!

I felt at once prestogiatorial and bovicidal today. I was gruntled when I got there, but the brouhaha raised by the boogleish students in regards to Me, Amy and Roger sends me into constant conniptions. For a commited turophile like myself, this is very off-putting. Hornswoggling is a constant danger.

As if the Roger thing wasn't bad enough, our hirsuteness is a constant topic of conversation - as is the trenchermenlike appearance of our snouts. Their snooty, hoity-toity obsession with the callipygian ideal is borderline neurotic. The words hurt like the time I broke my zygomatic arch and other bones surrounding my oralmeatus. A person barely has any time to masticate on breaks. One day, one of the bespeckled weasels from the boogle is going to be grabbed by the cankle, defenestrated, and end up in smithereens. Closely followed by one of us heading to the Wonju hoosegow.

To make matters worse, I blunderguffed like 12 times. Smegma. Borborygmusmaximus. Definitely had the blamps. Just when I was trying to explain 'tittle' , the subject of Pogonotrophy came up again. Like that matters a nipperkin. It's either that or spittle. Sometimes I wonder if noodles cause logorrhea. When I was but a hobbledehoy I knew how to behave better than these pooched snorkels! Like a spoon I offer wisdom to their mollycoddled meati, but to the flummoxed and discombobulated it often manifests itself as floccinaucinihilipilification. The flaunting of the scofflaws is traumatizing. Luckily fisticuffs and wenis injuries are rare.

You niggle, you cannoodle, you could offer them a poodle; but nothing but caddywampusness and flibberdigibbets everywhere. Spry mental calisthenics notwithstanding, the kerfuffles and tomfoolery make tutelage difficult and render each class rather higgledy-piggledy. Its easier making a foxy chimp thrive at a cotillion or to transform a kumquat into a thespian. The only ones with garbo are persnickity, reticent and taciturn. I wonder if they would respect a behelmeted mustachioed headmaster from Bangkok. Maybe if he traded his toque flume for a blunderbuss and brought some hubba-bubba and a squeegee to class.